Never Ever Dream Again (Autobiography of Fazal Raziq Shahab) Part 53 (Last Part)

I had no sense of time in the first week after my wife’s death. I had no sense of time. My mind was clogged and I felt numb, with no feelings whatsoever. As the number of visitors turned too few, I felt the loneliness hitting me without warning. I decided to get out of our joint room immediately and shifted my bedding to the Drawing room which we all called Hall room. Though it is not such a large one to be termed so. Since that day, I live in this hall for the last 11 years. I had then learnt how to live without my wife. But I have never oiled my hair and as she predicted, I have lost them leaving a little for the barber to take care off.

For a change, I started writing columns in the local news papers on the behest of Fazal Rabbi Rahi .This is how many of my friends outside the country were able to establish links with me as these articles were regularly uploaded on the website of www.zamaswat.Com. In this way I wrote some 700 plus columns under the logo “Akse Natamam.”

In 2018, a selection of 117 columns were published by Shoaib Sons Publishers. The expenditure thereof was met by my childhood chum Habib Rehman who lives in USA for many years and is an American citizen, up to the tune of one hundred thousand PKR. A sum of ten thousands was also donated by Prince Miangul Akbarzeb, son of the late Prince Alamzeb and the most senior member of the Royal family of Swat. Besides this, I wrote round about 1100 couplets or Qita’ath in Urdu published in Daily Azadi and Daily Chand. This mental adventures gave me solace and kept me away from my personal calamity with which, by now, I had learnt to live. It also gave me recognition of thousands of readers within Swat and outside, in Canada, Europe and United States America, wherever my friends and my class-fellows lived.

And for the last one year, I wrote about 80 articles in English, mostly related to Swat State for the website,, a website launched by a famous research Scholar, Educationist and Historian Mr.Jalal Uddin Sahib. The Articles are now ready for publishing in book form but as I can not afford the cost so it may remain in dark as my thousand of Pukhto verses, I dropped in River Swat. If these articles are published in Book form, it will be of great assistance to research scholars,working on Swat State. I have also started writing my autobiography in my simple English which is being uploaded by Jalal Uddin on his website, I am greatly obliged to him.

I confess that I have to hide many dark sides of my personal life because I am afraid of facing the truth and the reader’s reaction may not be favourable. Though, when I started writing about myself, I intended I will put every thing before my readers honestly and let them form their opinion. But there are some aspects which are still considered taboos in our society. Some of my friends stressed to be open and hide nothing for fear of being stoned but I could not dare to be honest at least in my personal life, otherwise it would have added to the spicy side of the story. May be some time, I will sum up enough courage to narrate the untold adventures.

Now when I look back to the past, I will not boast that I have no regrets. I have a lot of regrets, if I had avoided those points, I would have been now a different person. But it was all pre-ordained and I had to do it all. Some times I think the only good thing I did was that I read a lot of books. Someone will think it unusual but I have wept for Danny Fischer also when he was thrown into a pet by some Christian boys.

I will now highly appreciate if someone come up with open heart and publish this autobiography as a supplement to my articles relating to Swat State, uploaded on, some round about 80 articles. By including this story, the volume will look in good size and shape.

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